the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
