remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
