we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
