WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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