JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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