We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize