I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
