how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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