You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
