it was like his penis was on wheels.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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