We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
