Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
