Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
So many bounce houses so little time
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
