A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
All I want is dick and wine.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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