I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
