I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
