if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
