that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
