I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize