My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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