drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
