come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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