The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
