he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
