I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
