Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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