so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
