oh god the rape fog is back!
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
