i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
