I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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