Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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