ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
