Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize