WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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