You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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