the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
