Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
