he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
