pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
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