3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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