Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
