I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
