This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
