Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Randomize
