i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
