just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize