I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
