when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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