Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
