It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize