Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
