I cannot find my penis.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
