id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
