Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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