I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
God I need to hump something, right now.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
