dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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