A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
