if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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