I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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