Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
