Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
