I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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