i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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